Pretty convenient that the word "moan" is tossed in the title there because I was doing that for the majority of the time watching this. There were a few great moments thrown in, but they were just small bursts of excitement in what was yet another dull and predictable season since Redemption Island.
That said, I'm going to have a difficult time ranking the players. There were a few I liked, but it's the ones I didn't like that are just jumbled together. I don't know how to separate them. I'll do my best though, and I'll tell you when I get to the ones I actually enjoyed. Those will truly be in order. These others, I don't know.
20. Phillip - He is like the reverse King Midas. Any season he's on turns to crap. He outstayed his welcome twice. I don't get the "entertaining" comments because he was just plain stupid. If the producers think he's a character we love to hate...no. We just hate him. I never want to see him again, and I thought it was especially crappy when he got about ten (plus) seconds during falling comrades while everybody else received just a sentence or two at most and just a name statement at the very least. Phillip should stay home forever and learn the true meaning of "stealth" because if he thought he was stealthy then maybe calling him stupid is giving him a little too much credit. Finally, seeing Boston Rob at the reunion passing out his rule book made my eyes almost roll out of my head. I sure hope the #1 rule in the book is "Play four times and end up on a tribe full of starstruck idiots like Phillip Sheppard."
19. Cochran - Yeah, Cochran played a great game, but his big head was too much to bear. Give me a break. He should've been the last person to call the amigos arrogant. Cochran is the one that should've been knocked down a few pegs. I can understand confidence, but his ego inflated more and more as the episodes went by. I was so ready to see him go because he was playing such a "perfect game" that it almost felt too good to be true. Every time people cheered for him, I vomited a little, so I had to just stop eating completely while watching Survivor because it would've gotten everywhere on finale night. I just plain didn't like him. Cocky stratbot and very boring.
18. Julia - How boring can you be? I don't think I can pinpoint a time where the people on someone's tribe even pointed out how absolutely boring someone was. This girl was totally absent. I think her biggest problem was that she got way too comfortable and faded into nonexistence. She was irrelevant to anything.
17. Dawn - Talk about a turnaround! I was so happy to see her again because I loved her so much in South Pacific, but her constant crying and bridge burning was enough to really turn me off. I just thought she played nasty this time around, and there were very few entertaining moments with her. It was like at the end of the day she was making enemies for nothing. It was painful to watch such a terrible game being played. Her teeth at the end was pretty epic though, and that was exciting enough to place her over Cochran and Julia.
16. Allie - Who?
15. Hope - Who? Prettier than Allie and lasted longer.
14. Matt - I guess he and Michael had a little something going, and he was also kind of a swing vote...ish. He wasn't that exciting though. Nothing he did really shook the game in spite of the fact he was the man in the middle. Too much focus was on Shamar for Reynold and Eddie to even pay attention to him, so Matt was actually pretty irrelevant.
13. Erik - He was nothing but a blind follower. He never made any moves on his own. He barely said anything, and considering two of his pet peeve is people who are quiet and lack opinions, I guess he annoyed himself. I really don't care that he's a nice guy. He wasn't entertaining, and he never did anything except get hungry.
12. Shamar - He got a lot of unnecessary screen time, and that screen time may have pushed some of those lower on the list up a little higher had they gotten some love. Sherri compared him to Phillip, but Shamar wasn't THAT bad. I hated him and wanted him to go, but I didn't hate him nearly as much as I hated Phillip. He also did cause a lot of drama on the fan side. I imagine they wouldn't have gotten much attention based on "returning player" seasons past. He almost overstayed his welcome, but a speck of dirt saved us from too much of him.
11. Brandon - What a freaking trainwreck. It was wild to watch unfold, but I think he got a little too over the top. Plus, I was wondering how many times was he going to call himself an "author". Like, we get it. You don't have to repeat yourself. Clearly he thought it sounded good, and it was probably rehearsed. He threatened to do something crazy, and he followed through. Therefore, we were pretty much anticipating a meltdown. He gets cool points because it was all against Phillip, but he loses them because he went overboard to the point that it ended up just being sad.
10. Andrea - Oh, we're in the top ten. Do I like anybody yet? Nope. Andrea was a strong strategic player, but boys got in the way yet again. Go figure. She was entertaining for the mini freak-outs she had. She also was cool the episode she was eliminated because took being voted out so well. Bravo to her for being such a good sport. She was also the one that got the ball rolling on her allies turning on each other (at her expense), so all-in-all she was okay. I didn't like her though because she was solid with Phillip until he was gone. I was ready for her to go just for that reason.
09. Eddie - Definitely the weakest amigo. I really hated him in the beginning because he was pretty dumb, but then later when he was alone, I kind of understood how he could be a threat to win. It was only because his back was against the wall from beginning to end. That, I think, would've been a good case for a jury to hear. That said, he never really did much to get himself out of that corner. He basically just waited for someone to come to him and tell him that they were voting someone else out when they weren't. He only played an idol because Malcolm gave it to him, and he was pretty much fine with losing as soon as Reynold was gone. Not a smart cookie but tolerable (aside from his thumb-sucker teeth).
08. Reynold - Honestly, I don't know if I really like him more than Eddie. Eddie was a little more charming in my opinion. Reynold was a womanizer, and I'm not cool with that. The only reason I guess I have Reynold at #8 is because he played a better game. He was an idol finder extraordinaire, and he survived when his back was against the wall. He played when he had to, but he made a lot of really obvious mistakes. He wasn't the weakest of the amigos, but he wasn't the strongest either.
07. Sherri - Yay! Now we're into the people I liked! I think Sherri is a very underrated player. In the beginning, she was actually not that bad strategically. Once Shamar and Laura were gone and had to swap, she lost her mojo. I think she was intimidated. She could've used her position as a fan on the inside a lot better than she did. Watching her fail at challenges was pretty great though, and her final tribal council was funny too albeit a little sad. She didn't seem to fazed by it though, and she's already a millionaire. I just wish she'd take credit for what she DID do. She didn't suck the whole time.
06. Michael - People may be surprised to see him here. I don't know. A lot of people thought he was boring, but I thought that while he was mostly strategic, he still had a good bit of personality to him too. I also liked that he seemed somewhat oblivious to the fact that people were eying him after Corinne started obsessing over him. He kind of got into a "better them than me" state which killed him in the end, but his exit was awesome. I feel like I'd do something similar. He was kind of playing around but also kind of not.
05. Laura - Yet another strategist that I enjoyed watching. I hate that she sucked at challenges because she would've been great post-merge. I think that Laura could've done what Sherri couldn't. She was kind of robotic at times, but she knew what was going on. She was eliminated for something she COULDN'T control. I think she tried her best in those challenges. They just weren't in her element. Socially and strategically, I thought she was great.
04. Francesca - This season was so awful that the first boot ended up at #4. Franny was amazing yet again for the short time she graced our tv sets because she once again wanted Phillip out asap. Had she stayed, I believe this season would've been much more bearable just like Redemption Island. I love her personality, and I think her sarcastic humor is spot on. She made history, but I didn't want her to! Of course, I don't think she deserved to return in the first place, but at least she was funny. I don't know if she'll live down the rock comment though.
03. Brenda - This was a tough choice between who would get third and second, but Brenda simply didn't do enough pre-merge to earn a top two spot. She was probably strategizing and being wonderful, but I think the editors didn't want Cochroach to look like an asshole for eliminating her later on. Therefore, her beautiful face and personality hardly graced us. The episodes leading up to her elimination were amazing, and that final tribal council exchange with Dawn gave me chills. I was absolutely floored. I didn't state that I loved Brenda before because she was still being ignored, but once she was shown, she was pure gold.
02. Corinne - Man oh man. One-liners galore. Corinne is sharp as a whip, but I'm sure she's kicking herself for aligning with Phillip in the first place. I loved her rivalry with him, and I was genuinely hoping that she'd take him down. Of course, she had to go tell Dawn the plan, and Erik decided to be a spineless follower and not help this season's goddess out. Corinne did herself in, and at least she can say that instead of saying that Phillip got her out. He had nothing to do with it. Erik's gutlessness and Dawn's blabbermouth had more to do with it.
01. Malcolm - Player of the season!! Well deserved too, in my opinion. I loved him in Survivor: Philippines, but I adored him this time. He single-handedly took Phillip out. That is enough to put him here. I could tell he had a lot of fun playing, and I honestly wouldn't mind seeing him a third time. I didn't mind Parvati, Jerri, and the like playing a third time, so why not? Maybe not immediately, but if there is another full-on All-Star season, he should be on it. Anyway, he was pretty quiet pre-merge. I was a little bummed he couldn't save Corinne, but when he whipped both idols out, of course I'm glad he held onto them. He's just a smart guy who, once again, relied on the untrustworthy Dawn and unreliable Erik. Maybe I should've put Erik lower...