Spoiler warning, as usual. Not that it really helps that much. So after sort of enjoying the original Blood vs. Water, I came into this with high hopes. I was so disappointed. I ended up not caring about most of the cast. The winner was fantastic, and there were a couple of fun players that I could at least pretend to like. The rest were duds.
18. Alec - Can someone please tape his mouth shut? I couldn't stand any of the close-ups of him after his boot episode because every TC afterwards showed him making that same, stupid "duh" expression. He was a douche and not in a "fun" way like his brother. He was just overall stupid. He didn't know how to play. His relationship with Baylor wasn't cute. He was absent for a lot of the beginning. He just sucked. Please, never return, and wipe the drool off your chin. Thanks.
17. Missy - Reed NAILED it in his speech. Miss (because she's currently not married if she hasn't drilled that into your heads enough) It's-Just-A-Game couldn't handle the truth about her own crappy game play, and decided that Reed needed to apologize to her for "stabbing her in the back." Yeah, okay. Those two weren't friends as evident of him calling Missy's angel of a daughter what she truly was, so I don't see how she was stabbed in the back, and she shouldn't have taken it to heart since he wasn't calling her a bad mother.point.blank.period. Missy was a witch in the game, and not a fun witch. When she hurt her ankle, I was crossing fingers, toes, and eyes that medical would take her out of the game. She was vile. Just no. On top of that, the fact that she and Jon fully expected Baylor and Jaclyn to quit so that they could be in the final three with Natalie makes me sick. Make it to the end ON YOUR OWN. Don't just rely your loved ones to quit for you. Disgusting and disrespectful to Survivor.
16. Jon - All-American Jon. Okay, I get that he had a sob story about his dad. I don't wish any ill will on his father who seems to be doing okay. I also believe that Jon is a nice guy in real life. In the game, I hated the guy. He came across as phony, and that annoyed me. The way he treated Jaclyn during their argument rubbed me the wrong way too. I don't understand why some guys feel that baby-talking a woman will calm them down. He had a superiority complex and a cocky attitude. I really wanted Jaclyn to pull a Ciera and give him the boot to teach him a lesson. See Missy about that last part.
15. John - I didn't get his appeal. Sorry. His story was about his past, and I really didn't care. John played baseball. Baseball is a sport. I don't like sports. I never knew who John Rocker was. I didn't know about his past, nor did I care to learn about it while watching Survivor. I'm tired of these sports "celebrities" and the producers thinking we give a fuck. Just saying. His fight with Natalie was whatever. He barely even contributed.
14. Nadiya - First one out. Maybe she shouldn't assume that every gay guy is "one of the girls".
13. Drew - Okay, so Drew was a little fun, but the one episode where he got screen time, he got old fast. He was fine, I guess. He was more entertaining than his brother, and he was presented as a douche the whole time. He wasn't given these "cute" brother-sister/boyfriend-girlfriend scenes that his brother got to make himself look better. Drew was pure ass, and I can appreciate that from a character standpoint.
12. Val - I liked Val...I think. I mean, she was the first one sent to Exile, and I felt for her since her husband kind of screwed her out of any sort of strategy. Her whole double idol debacle was hilarious. I still don't fully understand what she was going for with that because it went down exactly how it usually goes down. That second vote was so screwed up, and I have to give Val credit for that.
11. Kelley - Kelley was one of my early favorites, but I can't remember why. Maybe it was just because she was genuine and was an ACTUAL fan of the show. She played pretty well and would've most likely made it far had the swap not happened and she didn't end up with Barbie, Ken, Lady Tremaine, and Drizella. What an awful group to be stuck with.
10. Dale - He was the first to call Missy a bitch, and that's enough to put him at #10.
09. Julie - Man, I had such high hopes for her. She was sooo obviously out of her element, but I wanted her to pull through. She seemed to have too much intuition and not enough drive. Smart but not strong enough to pull it out. She made a handful of accurate calls about the others. She may not have been shown as being very strategic, but I think there was more to her than met the eye which is why I was HOPING she'd stay! Oh well. Even though she quit, she was on a crappy season, so she gets to be in the top 10. #trailmixscandal
08. Josh - Strat bot strat bot strat bot. He was a producer's dream. I liked him well enough because he seemed nice, but geez. Pure strategy and not a lot of personal until he rejoined his boy toy Reed. Josh was a good player though, and that's enough to give him a lot of credit. This season was full of followers and people who refused to make moves, so having a strat bot (or two...see "Jeremy") wasn't such a bad thing.
07. Jeremy - See Josh. I liked Jeremy more because he had a lot more bite and wasn't afraid to put his allies in their places whenever they were about to do something stupid. Then Jon decided to turn on him because Jon's dumb ass sent Jeremy to Exile and put himself in a sticky situation. Yes, let's punish the guy who sacrificed his reward so that you and your girlfriend could have fun together while he spent time alone on Exile with an idol that was already taken. What a cruel move by Jon, and like many others, I was pissed off by Jeremy's blindside. I wanted this guy to win, truth be told.
06. Keith - How much saliva does this man have in his system? He was pretty lulzy. I enjoyed Keith for the most part. He clearly had to fight a learning curve, but I think Jeremy's assessment of him "not being built for Survivor" was pretty unfair. Keith was great at challenges, and I feel like he had enough of a genuine personality to make him a threat. Yeah! Keith was a THREAT! He never complained about the conditions. He worked hard. It isn't ALL strategy that makes a true Survivor. I think Keith did well, and I enjoyed watching him. What a cool, goofy guy. Oh, and "stick to the plan."
05. Jaclyn - I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt. She was easily my favorite between her and her boyfriend. I never would have expected her to make it as far as she did. Like Julie, Jaclyn was another intuitive player, but her boyfriend was such a dunce that she couldn't get through to him when it mattered. Then he tried to downplay moves that SHE made while he was wavering. I think she was treated unfairly by the people around her. She wasn't bad at this. Furthermore, she had no real connection with Jeremy like Jon did, so that whole blindside didn't piss me off as much when it came to her.
04. Baylor - Unpopular opinion alert! I appreciated what Baylor brought to this season. She wasn't likable as a player, but I think she was likable for entertainment. She constantly cried. She was spoiled by her mother. She was bratty, but I don't really blame her for it? I mean, Missy coddled Baylor the entire time. It's no wonder Baylor behaved the way she did. HOWEVER, unlike her mother, Baylor made a couple of plays. Even though they were assisted by someone else, Baylor played a big role in both John Rocker's AND Jon Misch's boots. If it wasn't for Baylor, Missy would have never been on board with the Jon elimination. Plus, Baylor was on board with making it to the end with her mother who had selfish reservations about the two of them making it together. Some mom you got there, Bay.
03. Wes - I loved Wes. I'm probably the only one that liked him THIS much, but I thought he was a riot. Whenever he was shown, he acted like a kid. He wasn't a bratty kid (that one was already listed). He was like the fun kid who was interested in everything but couldn't keep his attention on any one thing for too long. He was funny, like his dad, but he had some extra charm about him. He wasn't strategic. He wasn't shown much, yet he was VERY memorable for me because of how expressive he was. I wish his boot episode wasn't such a dud for him.
02. Reed - So I heard about this guy who was crazy and spastic in the beginning, spreading rumors and pitting people against each other. I didn't get to see it, and I was a little disappointed about that. However, WOW! What a turnaround from being completely invisible! You know how the phrase goes: "Every village has its idiot." Well, yes. They may have one, but only one. That's because all of the idiots moved to Reed's village, and Reed is the only person focused enough to lead his idiots. I wish things would've worked out better for him even though his fate was pretty much spelled out to him in the edit. His speech to Missy was PERFECT! I'm so happy he didn't apologize because he only spoke about her game persona, the only persona he knew, and he was right. Good for him for having the balls to say exactly what everyone else was thinking. Also, his eyes are ridiculously blue. Had to say it.
01. Natalie - I mean, does this need much of an explanation? Her entire game was about seeking revenge, and I am SUPER impressed that she won after her "twinnie" was eliminated first. I know Natalie was on The Amazing Race and that people felt a certain way about her already. I don't watch The Amazing Race, so I saw her as a regular newcomer and treated her as such. She did not disappoint. She played for Nadiya, and when Jeremy was blindsided, she played for him. She made big plays that were risky and sometimes even unnecessary and STILL she was taken to the end. To be honest, I think she made some of the moves she made (like saving Jaclyn) just to prove to the jury that she's not afraid to do something. Fearless. Her winning was the buttery, scrumptious, Sri Lankan icing on a really shitty cake.